So this morning, I got up at an ungodly hour of 6 am. Ok, 6 am is not that bad... and I was treated to this stunning sight...
For someone who had spoken to me only once before, and this was our first 'face-to-face' conversation over skype, Sister was remarkably perceptive! I shared with her the struggle I have always had with my spiritual life, and that is my inability to have discipline in my prayer life.
Now what I mean by 'disciplined' I define it as being able to stick to a commitment, no matter how small for a reasonable amount of time. Now let's give a scenario, I resolve to commit to saying a Joey Rosary (An Our Father, three Hail Marys and a Glory Be) every night before I go to sleep. It follows all the rules of such commitments, small, specific and achievable.
So first night... yep, I say my Joey Rosary and go to sleep! Second, third and fourth nights, same thing... great! Get to Friday night, I go out and come home a bit tipsy and dog-tired at 1 or 2am. Crash straight into bed. Wake up the next morning with the first thought being "Dammnit! I forgot to pray!" and I can't seem to get the groove back and I give up. It is so predictable it is a bit ridiculous.
I explained this to Sister who patiently listened. She gave me some good advice. Firstly to remove distractions visually. Even if you have to sit and face a corner... you need to de-clutter yourself visually to give your mind space to reflect. Bang. First issue I have since I am a madly visual person (Why I love studying art history).
Second, and here is the 'Punched in the Gut' part. "I'm going to give you a challenge," she said, "and you have a couple of days to think about it. I don't know you all that well, but it sounds to me like what you really need is accountability. Someone who can check in with you and ask how you're going."
Bang.
If it is one thing I have learned, it is never, ever to ignore those gut feelings, especially if it feels like you've been king-hit. That is really my problem. I have a very persistent independent streak and that is why I have never even considered the accountability person. "pssh! I don't need that! I can do this by myself!" Yeah... No I can't it turns out.
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| Sunrise out the backyard. |
So I was up at 6 am to take a call from the Vocations Director of the Religious Sisters of Mercy originally from Alma, Michigan. It was a kind of getting to know you conversation and a where I'm at conversation.
For someone who had spoken to me only once before, and this was our first 'face-to-face' conversation over skype, Sister was remarkably perceptive! I shared with her the struggle I have always had with my spiritual life, and that is my inability to have discipline in my prayer life.
Now what I mean by 'disciplined' I define it as being able to stick to a commitment, no matter how small for a reasonable amount of time. Now let's give a scenario, I resolve to commit to saying a Joey Rosary (An Our Father, three Hail Marys and a Glory Be) every night before I go to sleep. It follows all the rules of such commitments, small, specific and achievable.
So first night... yep, I say my Joey Rosary and go to sleep! Second, third and fourth nights, same thing... great! Get to Friday night, I go out and come home a bit tipsy and dog-tired at 1 or 2am. Crash straight into bed. Wake up the next morning with the first thought being "Dammnit! I forgot to pray!" and I can't seem to get the groove back and I give up. It is so predictable it is a bit ridiculous.
I explained this to Sister who patiently listened. She gave me some good advice. Firstly to remove distractions visually. Even if you have to sit and face a corner... you need to de-clutter yourself visually to give your mind space to reflect. Bang. First issue I have since I am a madly visual person (Why I love studying art history).
Second, and here is the 'Punched in the Gut' part. "I'm going to give you a challenge," she said, "and you have a couple of days to think about it. I don't know you all that well, but it sounds to me like what you really need is accountability. Someone who can check in with you and ask how you're going."
Bang.
If it is one thing I have learned, it is never, ever to ignore those gut feelings, especially if it feels like you've been king-hit. That is really my problem. I have a very persistent independent streak and that is why I have never even considered the accountability person. "pssh! I don't need that! I can do this by myself!" Yeah... No I can't it turns out.
So what I am going to seek obtaining an accountability prayer partner and I am going to do it tomorrow!
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