What have I discovered?

So its about time I wrote a bit more about what happened over the last couple of weeks. I had an awesome time in Steubenville, unwinding, watching TV, hanging out with mates. Oh how I missed the company of menfolk! I literally spent two weeks with women. Which was wonderful but I have never been that long without the company of boys in my life.

All that aside, I spent a lot of time in prayer. No? You don't say? Yeah, yeah I know... stating the obvious right? On Wednesday I was having a bit of a hard time. I was frustrated and anxious with this whole thing. I just wanted a damn answer! Is that too much to ask? So anyway... around rolled 5pm and it was time for Holy Hour so I went and I threw it (none too gently) at Jesus.

Well I can't really explain what happened... but it hit me. I was such an idiot. The answer was sitting right in front of me on the altar, Jesus. He was it. It didn't matter what I did or who I became. He was the answer, I keep him right there in front of me and nothing else matters. I almost started laughing. The clarity was such a relief, such a weight lifted from my soul. It didn't matter what was ahead, I knew who would be at the centre of it, no matter how good or bad the future might be.

I was safe in his care. He had me by the hand and was taking me on this adventure. Whenever I tripped, it was because I wasn't watching him, I was looking back or somewhere else. But he'd still pick me up and carry on...

So I did have some clarity by the end of the week. When discerning a vocation, there are two questions, question a) do you have a religious vocation? and b) to which community do you belong? The whole time I was with the Mercies. I fell in love with the way they do things, their Charism and their mission. So question b) has an answer, but not question a). I left the Mercies with a sense an image of Jesus sitting there, smirking and saying "Wait for it.... wait for it...."I gave Jesus 6 months, and he's going to use every minute of it. The next adventure is with the Sisters of Life next week. Hopefully he won't keep me in suspense much longer!

Alma Mercy

I arrived in Alma on Monday afternoon at about 4pm, completely missing the motherhouse at first seeing as they are spread out up and down Michigan Ave. It was then grab a quick cup of tea before being thrown straight into the routine with Holy Hour.

I was then fully into the routine with morning prayer being at 4:45 am or 7 am (depending on the day).

It was days filled with lots of chapel time, chores, helping out with the seasonal chores, like processing millions of apples, raking leaves and mowing lawns, attending a couple of classes with the novices and postulants and alternating for dinner between the Postulant, Novice and Convent house. Half of Wednesday was spent at the multi-specialty medical clinic the sisters run.

The official retreat started on the Friday afternoon when the other three retreatants arrived with Sr Mary Hanah, the Vocations director of the Mercy Sisters. It was a really relaxing retreat over all and I felt truly at home with the sisters here. This post is just a quick of what I did when. I'll be posting over the week about what was going on internally too.

Tuesday

It was up for 4:45 am morning prayer, meditation and Mass. It was also freezing cold but I made it to Our Lady of Grace before I turned into an icicle. Mass finished around twenty past seven, with the sun just rising and it was breakfast time before heading back to Our Lady of Grace to help with the apple harvest processing. Sorting and peeling and slicing lots of apples for apple sauce.

It was then their apostolic lunch with all the sisters and anyone else who wants to join. After helping the novices clean up I went back to St Joseph's retreat house, relaxing and doing some reading. 5:10 pm was back to Our Lady of Grace for Holy Hour which is a really lovely way wrap up the day. It was then dinner at Novice house, about 2 blocks down from St Joseph's. 

There are 7 novices currently, including one Australian from Castle Hill and an Italian from Pisa! It was a whirl of names, made all the more confusing because they all had some form of Mary in their name, Sr Mary Rafka, Sr Mary Faustina, Sr Maylea, Sr Pia Marie, Sr Mary Josepha, Sr Mary Elisha, Sr Paul Mary, and their formator Sr Mary Nika. They are all in their first year canonical Novitiate which is spent at the motherhouse in pretty intense formation. We played Bananangrams after dinner (like scrabble but with out the board) and then it was bedtime for me.

Wednesday

It was a later start for me today! With morning prayer with the Postulants scheduled at 8 am in St Thomas Chapel followed by Mass at the clinic and two hours of Adoration in the chapel there. I had St Catherine of Siena's Dialouges and reading the one on prayer. It's not an easy read since it's stream of conscious but she made a lot of sense in talking about the progression to contemplative and mental prayer.

It was a quick lunch in the break room at the clinic and then back to the postulant house. Sr Gabrielle Mary enlisted me in mowing the lawns. So I got the hand mower and did all the nooks and crannies over three hours of their huge block. Then it was holy hour and dinner with the Postulants. There are four of them, Sr Brandy, Sr Nealy, Sr Jennifer and Sr Maria. They have a year for Postulancy which is made up of classes, weekly spiritual formation, and learning about the life and rhythms of the Mercies.

It was then bed and another early start for Thursday!

Thursday

It was an early start with morning prayer and mass. Today I had the morning to myself. It was an apostolic lunch back at Our Lady of Grace and after lunch it was a scripture class with the novices and postulants. One of the retired bishops whose name I have forgotten taught the class. He was an incredibly smart man but also even in his 80s clearly loved being a priest. During the break he pulled me aside for a chat and he was so lovely! It was one of my most special moments on the whole week!

It was dinner that night with the novices and we I got invited to hell! Not literally, but I tagged along for the last of a series they were watching on Dante's Inferno, it was the Last Circle of hell that night so that was fun. It was then crash into bed for a merciful sleep in tomorrow.

Friday

Today was a late start with morning prayer at 8 am. The afternoon was taken up with confession and a ecclesiology lesson with the postulants. Then it was race back to St Joseph's to greet the three new retreatants and Sr Mary Hanah. Sr Mary Hanah arrived fashionably late after Po Yee, Andrea and Kelly had arrived and we'd settled in for banana bread and tea. Sr Mary Hanah gave us a brief introduction to discernment. She gave us a really useful definition of prudence. It has three parts to it, the first is gathering information, the second is making a decision and the third is acting on that decision in good time. The third bit is the critical bit. People often fail to get to the las bit of acting on the decision made. 

It was then off to holy hour and evening prayer followed by dinner with the novices. We got to hear some of the stories from the novices and Sr Mary Nika who is a canon lawyer told some great stories about being sent to Rome to study canon law in Italian not knowing a word of it. She also explained how religious life fits into the life of the Church. We then had a massive game of charades which had us all in stitches and then it was back to St Josephs for bed and a chat.

Saturday

It was another sleep in on Saturday with an 8 am rise for morning prayer and mass and after that it was into work! Raking leaves and making applesauce. Kelly and I teamed up and did raking first. I found a garter snake and a little frog! Then it was to the apples with the novices. We filled about 4 slow cookers full of apples for apple sauce. 

It was then lunch with the whole convent in the Postulant house. All the guest sisters were there, There was a carmelite a poor clare, two missionaries of charity, and two sisters of the holy spirit (They are cloistered order and their habits are pink!)

After lunch it was a tour of the clinic by Mother Mary Rebecca. They have a multi-specialty clinic, with  Mother Mary Rebecca as a general surgeon, Sr Marisha a psychiatrist, three more physicians and a physical therapist. It is an amazing project. Mother Mary Rebecca also begun a specialised wound clinic that specialised in chronic wounds. Another Sister in Knoxville has just put together a mobile clinic to go to the Appalachians. The sisters are also canon lawyers, theologians, and teachers.

It was then dinner at the convent with the fully professed sisters. We spent the dinner learning about the history and the charism of the Mercy sisters. Hearing their stories and was wonderful as was some of the work they were doing. It was then an early night for me and I crashed hard...

Sunday

Sunday it was morning prayer and mass at 8 am followed by breakfast back at the house. It was then rest time and lunch with the Novices and I had a chat with Sr Mary Hanah about how I was going. It was holy hour in the late afternoon followed by dinner with the postulants and a good table time chat about how Postulancy works and hearing some of the stories of their vocation. It was then back to St Joseph's for bed. 

Monday

Monday morning it was time to pack up and head home. Sr Mary Hanah came and had breakfast with us after 5:45 am prayers and mass. We had a nice chat over eggs and toast. After sorting out the house, I said goodbye to everyone and got in the car heading off to Steubenville for a new adventure!

Nashville Dominicans

It is sunday evening in a hotel room in Indianapolis and I have driven four and a half hours to make my way to Alma, Michigan. I spent the weekend in Nashville with the Dominican Sisters of St Cecilia on retreat. It was a huge retreat with about 60 of us all up, all of us discerning something.

It was a glimpse into the life of these sisters, which is one that brings the Medieval monasticism into the 21st Century. Arriving on Friday afternoon, we began with some introductory stuff and a talk by Fr Kirby on Pope Francis and Poverty in Spirit. Then we joined the sisters for evening prayer which is in english, but chanted to an 800 year old tune. I had visions of a slender, tapering gothic church and medieval habits. The last of the sun streaming through the stained glass windows and candles to light the dark corners.

We kept the sister's routine of prayer, mass, mealtimes, silence, talks and recreation, met some lovely girls from all over the US and Canada and spent a lot of time praying and trying to be quiet. Honestly, I was so ready for this retreat but I just felt ill at ease. The sisters are beautiful, joyful and amazing women but I didn't feel quite at home.

As I was leaving on Sunday afternoon, it hit me why I was feeling a bit strange. This is the longest time I have been without any significant masculine presence. Ever. Seriously, I have never been without my guy friends or brothers or uncles, or my dad or my grandfathers being around. I felt a bit coarse and unrefined being around the sisters.

In Virginia Present-Lee

Right now I am sitting in a hotel after a long day of driving.... This is going to be my last post before engaging in an internet black out until the 14th of October while I'm on retreat. I will be making my way first to Nashville, Tennessee for a weekend Jesus Caritas Retreat with the Dominican Sisters of St Cecilia and then make my way up to Michigan and then back home to Philly again. I have a map route here.

I am seriously psyched. I cannot wait! I'm on the way FINAL-LEE! (For the joke, you need to watch 1776: The Musical, you don't know nothing about American History until you've seen it). On the road is awesome too. I have a neat little compact Dodge (surprisingly fuel efficient) and had a lovely time listing to Irish folk music as I cruised the rolling landscape of Shenandoah Valley. Having fantasies about buying one of the farms I was passing and living the rest of my days there... raising some cows, riding my horse... hiking in the woods. I'll update the post after the blackout is over to put it in context.

So I leave you all with a request... a very simple one. Pray for me. Storm heaven if you can. Bug my patron saints, any special person you pray to... Please pray for me, I will need every prayer I can get. Prayers for clarity, serenity and courage all I would like is the next little step. Also praying for a giant neon sign to appear and tell me 'yes' or 'no' too. Not to fussy, either way. Thank you to you all already for your prayers and keep them up!