Alma Mercy

I arrived in Alma on Monday afternoon at about 4pm, completely missing the motherhouse at first seeing as they are spread out up and down Michigan Ave. It was then grab a quick cup of tea before being thrown straight into the routine with Holy Hour.

I was then fully into the routine with morning prayer being at 4:45 am or 7 am (depending on the day).

It was days filled with lots of chapel time, chores, helping out with the seasonal chores, like processing millions of apples, raking leaves and mowing lawns, attending a couple of classes with the novices and postulants and alternating for dinner between the Postulant, Novice and Convent house. Half of Wednesday was spent at the multi-specialty medical clinic the sisters run.

The official retreat started on the Friday afternoon when the other three retreatants arrived with Sr Mary Hanah, the Vocations director of the Mercy Sisters. It was a really relaxing retreat over all and I felt truly at home with the sisters here. This post is just a quick of what I did when. I'll be posting over the week about what was going on internally too.

Tuesday

It was up for 4:45 am morning prayer, meditation and Mass. It was also freezing cold but I made it to Our Lady of Grace before I turned into an icicle. Mass finished around twenty past seven, with the sun just rising and it was breakfast time before heading back to Our Lady of Grace to help with the apple harvest processing. Sorting and peeling and slicing lots of apples for apple sauce.

It was then their apostolic lunch with all the sisters and anyone else who wants to join. After helping the novices clean up I went back to St Joseph's retreat house, relaxing and doing some reading. 5:10 pm was back to Our Lady of Grace for Holy Hour which is a really lovely way wrap up the day. It was then dinner at Novice house, about 2 blocks down from St Joseph's. 

There are 7 novices currently, including one Australian from Castle Hill and an Italian from Pisa! It was a whirl of names, made all the more confusing because they all had some form of Mary in their name, Sr Mary Rafka, Sr Mary Faustina, Sr Maylea, Sr Pia Marie, Sr Mary Josepha, Sr Mary Elisha, Sr Paul Mary, and their formator Sr Mary Nika. They are all in their first year canonical Novitiate which is spent at the motherhouse in pretty intense formation. We played Bananangrams after dinner (like scrabble but with out the board) and then it was bedtime for me.

Wednesday

It was a later start for me today! With morning prayer with the Postulants scheduled at 8 am in St Thomas Chapel followed by Mass at the clinic and two hours of Adoration in the chapel there. I had St Catherine of Siena's Dialouges and reading the one on prayer. It's not an easy read since it's stream of conscious but she made a lot of sense in talking about the progression to contemplative and mental prayer.

It was a quick lunch in the break room at the clinic and then back to the postulant house. Sr Gabrielle Mary enlisted me in mowing the lawns. So I got the hand mower and did all the nooks and crannies over three hours of their huge block. Then it was holy hour and dinner with the Postulants. There are four of them, Sr Brandy, Sr Nealy, Sr Jennifer and Sr Maria. They have a year for Postulancy which is made up of classes, weekly spiritual formation, and learning about the life and rhythms of the Mercies.

It was then bed and another early start for Thursday!

Thursday

It was an early start with morning prayer and mass. Today I had the morning to myself. It was an apostolic lunch back at Our Lady of Grace and after lunch it was a scripture class with the novices and postulants. One of the retired bishops whose name I have forgotten taught the class. He was an incredibly smart man but also even in his 80s clearly loved being a priest. During the break he pulled me aside for a chat and he was so lovely! It was one of my most special moments on the whole week!

It was dinner that night with the novices and we I got invited to hell! Not literally, but I tagged along for the last of a series they were watching on Dante's Inferno, it was the Last Circle of hell that night so that was fun. It was then crash into bed for a merciful sleep in tomorrow.

Friday

Today was a late start with morning prayer at 8 am. The afternoon was taken up with confession and a ecclesiology lesson with the postulants. Then it was race back to St Joseph's to greet the three new retreatants and Sr Mary Hanah. Sr Mary Hanah arrived fashionably late after Po Yee, Andrea and Kelly had arrived and we'd settled in for banana bread and tea. Sr Mary Hanah gave us a brief introduction to discernment. She gave us a really useful definition of prudence. It has three parts to it, the first is gathering information, the second is making a decision and the third is acting on that decision in good time. The third bit is the critical bit. People often fail to get to the las bit of acting on the decision made. 

It was then off to holy hour and evening prayer followed by dinner with the novices. We got to hear some of the stories from the novices and Sr Mary Nika who is a canon lawyer told some great stories about being sent to Rome to study canon law in Italian not knowing a word of it. She also explained how religious life fits into the life of the Church. We then had a massive game of charades which had us all in stitches and then it was back to St Josephs for bed and a chat.

Saturday

It was another sleep in on Saturday with an 8 am rise for morning prayer and mass and after that it was into work! Raking leaves and making applesauce. Kelly and I teamed up and did raking first. I found a garter snake and a little frog! Then it was to the apples with the novices. We filled about 4 slow cookers full of apples for apple sauce. 

It was then lunch with the whole convent in the Postulant house. All the guest sisters were there, There was a carmelite a poor clare, two missionaries of charity, and two sisters of the holy spirit (They are cloistered order and their habits are pink!)

After lunch it was a tour of the clinic by Mother Mary Rebecca. They have a multi-specialty clinic, with  Mother Mary Rebecca as a general surgeon, Sr Marisha a psychiatrist, three more physicians and a physical therapist. It is an amazing project. Mother Mary Rebecca also begun a specialised wound clinic that specialised in chronic wounds. Another Sister in Knoxville has just put together a mobile clinic to go to the Appalachians. The sisters are also canon lawyers, theologians, and teachers.

It was then dinner at the convent with the fully professed sisters. We spent the dinner learning about the history and the charism of the Mercy sisters. Hearing their stories and was wonderful as was some of the work they were doing. It was then an early night for me and I crashed hard...

Sunday

Sunday it was morning prayer and mass at 8 am followed by breakfast back at the house. It was then rest time and lunch with the Novices and I had a chat with Sr Mary Hanah about how I was going. It was holy hour in the late afternoon followed by dinner with the postulants and a good table time chat about how Postulancy works and hearing some of the stories of their vocation. It was then back to St Joseph's for bed. 

Monday

Monday morning it was time to pack up and head home. Sr Mary Hanah came and had breakfast with us after 5:45 am prayers and mass. We had a nice chat over eggs and toast. After sorting out the house, I said goodbye to everyone and got in the car heading off to Steubenville for a new adventure!

Nashville Dominicans

It is sunday evening in a hotel room in Indianapolis and I have driven four and a half hours to make my way to Alma, Michigan. I spent the weekend in Nashville with the Dominican Sisters of St Cecilia on retreat. It was a huge retreat with about 60 of us all up, all of us discerning something.

It was a glimpse into the life of these sisters, which is one that brings the Medieval monasticism into the 21st Century. Arriving on Friday afternoon, we began with some introductory stuff and a talk by Fr Kirby on Pope Francis and Poverty in Spirit. Then we joined the sisters for evening prayer which is in english, but chanted to an 800 year old tune. I had visions of a slender, tapering gothic church and medieval habits. The last of the sun streaming through the stained glass windows and candles to light the dark corners.

We kept the sister's routine of prayer, mass, mealtimes, silence, talks and recreation, met some lovely girls from all over the US and Canada and spent a lot of time praying and trying to be quiet. Honestly, I was so ready for this retreat but I just felt ill at ease. The sisters are beautiful, joyful and amazing women but I didn't feel quite at home.

As I was leaving on Sunday afternoon, it hit me why I was feeling a bit strange. This is the longest time I have been without any significant masculine presence. Ever. Seriously, I have never been without my guy friends or brothers or uncles, or my dad or my grandfathers being around. I felt a bit coarse and unrefined being around the sisters.

In Virginia Present-Lee

Right now I am sitting in a hotel after a long day of driving.... This is going to be my last post before engaging in an internet black out until the 14th of October while I'm on retreat. I will be making my way first to Nashville, Tennessee for a weekend Jesus Caritas Retreat with the Dominican Sisters of St Cecilia and then make my way up to Michigan and then back home to Philly again. I have a map route here.

I am seriously psyched. I cannot wait! I'm on the way FINAL-LEE! (For the joke, you need to watch 1776: The Musical, you don't know nothing about American History until you've seen it). On the road is awesome too. I have a neat little compact Dodge (surprisingly fuel efficient) and had a lovely time listing to Irish folk music as I cruised the rolling landscape of Shenandoah Valley. Having fantasies about buying one of the farms I was passing and living the rest of my days there... raising some cows, riding my horse... hiking in the woods. I'll update the post after the blackout is over to put it in context.

So I leave you all with a request... a very simple one. Pray for me. Storm heaven if you can. Bug my patron saints, any special person you pray to... Please pray for me, I will need every prayer I can get. Prayers for clarity, serenity and courage all I would like is the next little step. Also praying for a giant neon sign to appear and tell me 'yes' or 'no' too. Not to fussy, either way. Thank you to you all already for your prayers and keep them up!

Padre Pio and Adventureception

It has been a rather pleasant week after coming home from Canada, steady, and routine. However this week it has hit me that this time in two weeks... I'll be on my way from Nashville, Tennessee to Alma, Michigan between retreats.

I am so beyond ready for these retreats it's not even funny. Ten months in the making and I'm counting down less than 10 days. I actually cannot wait for the quiet and to be able to briefly immerse myself in the charisms of these communities. It's the feast of Padre Pio today (or St Pius of Pietrelcina if you want to get all proper!) a bilocating, soul-reading, sometime stigmatic, Capuchin confessor and preacher, famous for pithy sayings such as,

"Pray, hope and don't worry." 

It never ceases to amaze me how somehow, things fall into place and today especially getting back in touch with the practical wisdom of this Italian friar speaks to the place I am in. I'm praying and I'm hoping and I am passed worrying, as long as I am praying and hoping.

So Friday, I leave with Ron and Kathy Feher for Kansas and to sit in on a Living in Love weekend couple retreat. Then it's back to Philly on monday and then Thursday....

... within an adventure! It's... Adventureception!

I wen on an adventure!

So two tuesdays ago, I Katie invited me on a road trip to Nova Scotia, Canada. She had a wedding and I was itching for something different so I said yes! Canada is just beautiful. It took us 20 hours from Connecticut on the trip up... taking a route up through the northwest of Main and New Brunswick and then down the Nova Scotia peninsular. White Point beach was just beautiful between the Atlantic ocean and a lake surrounded by white birch forrest.

But enough of me talking... I took a video of the trip so let that do the talking...

Shieldmaiden's Mirror

Hello once again, and welcome to another instalment of this blog featuring my TOB immersion course.
One part of what has really been unfolding for me in the last week and a bit has to do with femininity and my identity. This is truly a major thing for me, but first a bit of context....

The running joke in my family is that should have been born with a Y-chromosome. When it comes to movies, I pick Braveheart, or Die Hard over Titanic (*gag*) or The Notebook (why the hell would it be entertaining to watch something that just makes you cry?). I have never afraid to run around, scrape my knee, climb trees or let an outfit get in the way of having fun (at least until I started paying for them). I was big sister to only brothers until I was eight years old, and when we played various versions of 'knights and damsels', the damsel was certainly not me! We took turns being the knight or dragon. I picked martial arts and horse riding (not as girly as you think) over netball or touch football, my most recent one being historic western sword fighting. Once I got out of an all-girls high school, most of my friends are male (barring a few delightful exceptions, you know who you are!)

In short, I liked to think of myself as a tomboy, however I also like pretty dresses, sparkly jewels and butterflies. Not that I would ever necessarily lead with this kind of description of myself. Ever. These idiosyncrasies would be discovered by the foolhardy people who decided to get to know me better.

I have always struggled with my identity as feminine simply because I am not a 'pearls and pastels' kind of girl. I hate pastels (unless its blue). I am not softly-spoken, in fact I have two volumes, loud and louder and certainly not delicate in declaring my opinion when necessary. I have callouses on my hands and feet, I like dangerous, pointy things and explodey things and fire. I never really felt 'feminine' unless I was wearing a pretty dress and even then, it was a persona. Not really me.

I used to go to these talks on the 'feminine genius' and Catholic femininity and I would come away frustrated and disgruntled. Here were these pretty, gentle women in chiffon skirts and mary-jane pumps giving these talks with the same kind of holy card Mary in the slideshow. You know the ones. Well it did not sit well with me at all. I had no really appreciation for Mary or desire to relate to pearled, pastelled and perfect Mother of God.

So I looked to literature and movies for more realistic role models. I really resonated with Tamora Pierce's first heroine, Alanna of Trebond a girl who wants to be a knight and disguises herself as a boy to do so, and changes the course of history and saves the kingdom in the process.

I also loved Katerina in The Taming of the Shrew (still my favourite Shakespeare play) and I especially loved Julia Stile's interpretation in 10 Things I Hate About You. I wanted to be her when I grew up (from the perspective of a 14 year old).

Then I was introduced to Lord of the Rings via the movies and I found my alter ego, Èowyn.

This is Èowyn, daughter of Èomund and niece of King Thèoden of Rohan (if you have never seen/read the books, read this brief summary before carrying on). All the time I was on this TOB immersion, she kept coming to my mind and I realised, she was more than an alter ego, she was my mirror. We all encounter people or characters in our lives that become a life-long presence because of their uncanny identicalness. Their ability to be a reflection to us allows us to see things that we might not have seen otherwise.

There was one scene in particular that kept popping up when I was praying and reflecting. This critical scene...

People who give Tolkien crap for putting women on pedestals and making them useless clearly haven't read the book. Èowyn is no delicate muppet on a pedestal. She is raw and so very real, someone who is willing to risk life, limb, identity and sanity for the people she loves. She comes to the battle of the age not as herself, but as a man and she fights as well as any of her peers. It is not coincidence that the only woman on the battlefield finds herself in an epic contest against an incredible evil, an evil that no man can defeat.

In the book the story plays out slightly differently with Èowyn revealing her identity before the Witch King attacks.

"But no living man am I! You look upon a woman. Éowyn I am, Éomund’s daughter. You stand between me and my lord and kin. Begone, if you be not deathless! For living or dark undead, I will smite you, if you touch him."

Why was this constantly popping up in my mind? Instead of just dismissing it and trying to 'focus'. I sat with it and asked the question. It was day two of the course and Christopher was on the warpath against the 'domesticated', pretty and tame Mary on holy cards. We had asked for her intercession as the 'crusher of heresies' at the beginning of the morning session and then Christopher proceeded to open up the Theology of Mary's body as the very place in which the God took on human flesh. This was not a pretty little thing that most artists depict... there was fire! And desire and God entered time and space and matter because he so wildly loved humanity and Mary conceived because she so wildly loved God!

What the heck does Mary have to do with Èowyn? Christopher effectively rehabilitated Mary for me and in doing so femininity. Èowyn mirrored to me what femininity is, it is a force of life-giving love. Èowyn's love for her uncle drove her to protect him. It is no coincidence that it was only a woman who could defeat the Witch King. Only a woman's ability to conceive and bear life into the world could overcome the vacuous, deathly absence that is the evil of the Witch King.

Christopher's unfolding of the Theology of Mary's body drew on several stories in the New Testament, the Annunciation, the wedding of Cana, John's Crucifixion and Revelations 12. When Christopher started on Revelations 12 (go read it here... and while your at it, read the rest of it. It is an awesome book!) The parallels with Èowyn and the Witch King started falling into place. This scene is not an allegory of Revelations (if you want that go read C.S. Lewis' The Last Battle) an nor was it ever intended to be. 

However, there are some significant parallels... Èowyn is not pregnant but is a key player in the huge birth pangs of the Fourth Age of Middle Earth. Èowyn faces a monstrosity that knows only envy and death. Her victory over the Witch King ends a reign of terror and gives birth to a real chance of overcoming evil. Her battle with the Witch King leaves her wounded and in a wilderness, hovering between life and death.

For the first time, I saw Èowyn not just at war physically, but at war with herself, just like I was. Wrestling with my identity as a woman and my responsibilities and desires for my life and the course it would take as well as the world's expectations and ideas. I can only so humbly hope to show the kind of courage and integrity she had when it really mattered and embrace my femininity as a force of nature that it is. 

I was, thanks to Èowyn and this particular Mary, Our Lady of Guadalupe...

... able to put to bed the stupid idea that femininity and Catholic femininity was about pearls, pastels and Holy passivity. This is something new I learned about this image. In her hand is a Maraca and her knee is bent so she is standing on one foot in a traditional Aztec dance. The moon at her feet (referencing Revelations 12) also resembled these Aztec demons who would terrorise humanity in the dark of night. The dance she is performing is the sacred victory dance of Aztec warriors. She is literally doing a victory dance on the devil's ass. That's my kind of femininity.

*If you want to know more about Theology of the Body, I highly recommend that you check out Christopher's website. If you want something a little more meaty, he gave two excellent talks at WYD in Sydney 2008. Download the first one here and the second one here.*

Music, Humanity, Tolkien and TOB

I have returned from the most awesome week of my trip so far. I attended a Theology of the Body (from now on referred to in the acronym TOB). Institute course called Theology of the Body I: Head and Heart Immersion Course in beautiful little Quarryville, Pennsylvania and taught by the most awesome Christopher West.

There I was surrounded by little beauties like these butterflies...

... whilst having a very real encounter with Beauty itself. Honestly, it is going to take a while to process everything that happened on that week so bear with me.

As I was being completely bombarded with Theology of the Body, a particular world kept persistently rising to the surface. I am a complete and utter Tolkien nerd. There. I said it. I own just about every book he has ever written (and slowly working my way through reading them). Those movies go on every time someone is sick in our house. I read the LOTR at least once a year and I am making my way through The Silmarillion for the second time.

One of the reasons I love reading The Silmarillion is that every time after I put the book down, I had an intense urge to draw and to physically create something. However, I have always intentionally squashed that desire with "you're not good enough... you need to practice more... It will never be perfect..." So back to Theology of the Body, what connected The Silmarillion and TOB together was music.

God is a lover and he calls us with music, a symphony that every leaf, every stick, every rock, the very heavens and earth are a part of. God did not create the world and then add human beings as an after thought. He created the world for human beings and the world to be a sign of his love for us. The centre of the bible is a book known as the Song of Songs, music is a part of the essence of what it means to be human.

Tolkien knows this so profoundly that the first book in The Silmarillion begins with the creation of Middle Earth. Music was so profoundly connected to the essence of existence, that Middle Earth literally the fruit of the music played by the Ainur (spiritual beings who become guardians of Middle Earth) after being taught by Ilùvatar, the one creator. This is why Tolkien puts songs throughout the LOTR (and often annoys people by doing so), because the very earth that the fellowship walked on was created by music and every creature of Middle Earth, even Orcs was the fruit of music.

I was sitting in front of the blessed sacrament, trying to process all of the session on Genesis and Original Man the beginning of The Silmarillion hit me square in the face. It wasn't your average passing thought. I saw it. I hadn't picked up that book in over a year and suddenly the words came alive and I saw it. I had an uncontrollable urge to draw. So I did what I have not done before which was nearly trip over myself in haste to get my sketch book and pens and draw with wild abandon.

That was one of the most awesomely simple experiences I have ever had. Me, pen and paper. Did I produce Van Gogh or a Leonardo? Nope. Did I even bring the full vision of what I saw onto paper? Only the vaguest shadow. But I was free to create and articulate without this little voice stuffing it down for when I was 'qualified' to do so. The best part is I have not stopped doodling and sketching.

Maybe when I've refined a few things I may share some of those drawings, but as they are, they are not ready for any eyes but mine. This is but one small thing I have taken from that week. So stay tuned, another is coming.

*If you want to know more about Theology of the Body, I highly recommend that you check out Christopher's website. If you want something a little more meaty, he gave two excellent talks at WYD in Sydney 2008. Download the first one here and the second one here.*